We must have met with the representative from the nursing home on Monday afternoon, the first of April, because I was there for it, and I know I left Albuquerque Tuesday morning. It took me a while to dredge up these memories: that they'd been talking about a nursing home for some time, and had chosen a home near their house in Albuquerque. I remember now that there was some talk of him going to a home in Truth or Consequences, about one-hundred-fifty miles away from Albuquerque, that was run by the VA and specialized in ALS care. My mom nixed that idea, and so they chose a place nearby.
As best I recall, the representative was a nice woman, and the place looked nice enough in the brochures. As for handling the not-inconsiderable cost, at some point during the course of my dad's illness, the VA had declared ALS a service-related condition (he served during the Korean War) and given him full VA benefits, one of which was an allowance toward nursing home care. (When he got full VA benefits, he called the VA's declaration, with genuine gratitude and no obvious irony, "like winning the lottery.")
I flew from Albuquerque directly to Seattle, where I spent the next six days under oppressive Pacific Northwest gloom. I spent the first couple of days with a friend who was dealing with his dad's terminal cancer, though I mostly remember us adroitly not talking about what was going on with our families. On Thursday, went to stay with another friend whose 30th birthday had brought me and a number of our mutual friends out to celebrate with him. It was his time, as well it should be, and I think it's fair to say I was a bit of an asshole during those days. I wasn't about to burden him with everything that was on my mind during his celebration, but as a card-carrying introvert, my first step in processing is to take some time alone. Even under normal circumstances, not having that time alone after a difficult stretch points me directly toward an unpleasant mood. Throw in the dank Seattle weather (as a child of the desert, my mood in springtime varies so directly with the weather that you could legitimately hypothesize that I'm photosynthetic) and let's just say I was not in the healthiest mindspace.
Furthermore, events kept moving forward in Albuquerque. I got some updates via text.
From: Parents
Your dad will be admitted to Montebello on Friday morning. He felt we
had to move as quickly as possible because of his increasing
weakness. More later. Love
Wed, Apr 3 5:35PM
Friday rolled around soon enough:
From: Coit
In case you have not heard your dad is in the home. Nice place. And
the staff seemed upbeat and qualified. It overwhelming to see
him like this. I can see why your mother is so stressed out.
Fri, Apr 5 11:09AM
I must have texted back that I hoped it would prove to be a good choice, because Coit replied,
From: Coit
I hope so too for both of them. The next few days will be a
rollarcoaster ride for both of them. They have been together a
long time. Going home with jay not there will be difficult on
Karen. And for jay to be without Karen and his familiar
environment will be hard.
Fri, Apr 5 12:04PM
I asked my younger sister how she was doing:
From: Abigail
Exhausted. Exhausted. Sad. He is settled in and it was awful. I cried
for about 3 hours
Fri, Apr 5 1:11PM
That afternoon I went with my friends to Gas Works Park on Seattle's Lake Union. I separated myself from the group and called my sister. We spoke for a long time. It was really hard.
And by the next day, he was already hating it there and asking to come home.